Weekend Funnies #2

What's your funny flavor?

There's so many different types of humor out there. Dark humor, observational humor, slap stick. I love them all!

As bloggers most of us are of the of the observational flavor. Poking fun at everyday life while exagerating something trivial from our day or week.

We're hoping to get a comment along the lines of:

I laughed so hard I peed my pants!

This was so funny I shot my drink out of my nose! 

Or better yet -

I shot my drink out of my nose and then pissed my pants while choking and laughing!

Let's bring the fun back to weekends - Link up to Weekend Funnies #2.

Rules & Strongly Worded Suggestions

Rule: Funny only. If you link up a tear jerker post, I don't care how awesome or funny the rest of your blog is - I will pull your link. The only tears allowed here are tears of laughter.

Rule: Yesterday I said no back-link. I lied, but only sort of. I won't make you post my tomato ass from the sidebar - just a link to this post will do the trick.

Rule: Only one post per blogger please.

Strongly Worded Suggestion: My preference is for a post from this past week, but I'll take it if it's within the past month because this is a new link-up.

Why is newer better you wonder?

Let's say Fantastic Fanny link's a post she just wrote. Her people are seeing it for the first time. While they're reading all about Fantastic Fanny's hilarious shopping misadventure they see the link to this post. Because they love Fantastic Fanny, they click it and read all of your awesomeness and love it. 

Serendipity right? 

When you link an older post, sure you might get it exposed to new readers, but your people have already read it. So they aren't going to follow your link to this post and meet some new to them bloggers.

A good link-up is like a pot-luck dinner where everybody contributes something, even your never married 60 year old Uncle who smells like mothballs.  In this case you're bringing potential new readers for a dinner with your fellow link-upees.

Rule: Read the contributions of your fellow link-uppers.

Strongly Worded Suggestion: Try to leave some comment love for everyone. We all love seeing comments on our work. Give some love to get some love is my motto.

Rule: If you can't say something nice, or at least witty it's better to say nothing. 

Strongly Worded Suggestion: When you title your link - don't use the title of your blog. We'll see that when we click your link. Which we're going to be dying to click because instead of your blog's name, you're going to use an appealing post title. 

Which would you click on first? My Half Assed Life or Vibrators and Debit Cards?

Hint: Make sure your super appealing title is relevant to the post so the clicker stays, reads your post and falls in love with your flavor of funny.

We go live at 5 pm. My time - which is the same as Bogota Columbia, or Toronto Ontario.

Now that nobody's home during the day, I'd love being a stay-at-home mom.

I would be lying if I said I enjoyed being a stay at home mom when my kids were little. I mean don't get me wrong - I'm grateful it was an option for me.

It just wasn't a very fulfilling option. Maybe if we had a computer with internet and I had been writing a blog at the time I might have enjoyed it.

Picturing the things they would have gotten up to if I had been glued to a computer all day just gave me the shudders. I would have had an awesome mommy blog though. My readers would have been pissing themselves at the antics of my two.

Asshat #1 before he was an asshat: Mom, can I have some cheese?

Me: Yes, but please don't feed it to the cat again. It makes him puke.

Asshat #1 before he was an asshat: Mom, Casey pooked!

Every. Damn. Time.

I would have gotten a weeks worth of posts out of the time I napped a little bit longer than their nap - and woke up to find them peeling up my kitchen floor tiles. Followed by the late night of peeling the rest of the tiles up so we could re-tile. You know the sticky of peel-and-stick floor tiles doesn't come off right?

We discovered that cats and sticky floors are fucking hilarious. One of them would run right across and be fine. The other one would stop after every step to try to shake the sticky of his paw, giving the other three paws a chance to get firmly stuck. Every once in a while we would gently toss him into the middle of the floor. Just for shits and giggles.

We were young and yes we were assholes. There may or may not have been alcohol involved.

Who wouldn't drink after their lovely children had destroyed a floor?

These days though the Asshats are off doing their own thing during the day - one at work, the other in school or working for the summer.

I finally feel like I could rock the whole at home mom thing, if it weren't for those pesky details like feeding and sheltering the asshats.

Weekend Funnies will go live tomorrow at 5 pm. That's 5 pm my time - Torontoish. Which happens to be the same time zone as Bogota Columbia. I never could keep that time zone stuff straight.

It will stay live until Sunday midnight.

Still no button, so no back links yet - but I work Saturday's so your help in tweeting and facebooking and otherwise encouraging people to check us all out would be appreciated.

I also ask that you make a diligent effort to read your fellow link-uppers. It's a weekly link-up so if you have to go to Cousin Kate's wedding on Saturday and Uncle Bert's 50th birthday party on Sunday, maybe this isn't your weekend. We'll be here for you the weekend after.

I still want to be a stay-at-home mom to my dog though.  

Best hump day without a hump ever!

Remember the lift-truck certification I was supposed to do today?

I was nearly sick over it this morning. For the first 3 hours I was at work I was ready to burst into tears over the slightest thing. FYI - there may have been a little PMS happening too.

I went for the written part, and found out the actual drive-test would have to be another day. The trainer was off sick.

When I told my co-supervisor? He informed me he knew that first thing in the morning. No need to send flowers - he should be fine by tomorrow.

In other news - for the past week I've been working some long hours. Today, salvation arrived.

In the form of 8 boisterous, loud and fast as hell Jamaican ladies.

I knew last night they were going to be here, so I mentioned to one of our year-round workers (who is from Barbados but refers to herself as Jamaican) that for sure we were going to get out of there by 5 tonight.

She told me Don't hang your hat too high.

I only hung it a little too high - we were done at 6, but I don't have to go in until 7 tomorrow.

Sold!

Work just got fun y'all.

In addition to their lovely fast as hell selves - they came bearing gifts.

That green ribbon at the bottom of the label? It says OVERPROOF RUM.

I might take some Advil before I drink that.

Just to round of this lovely hump day even if there's nary a hump in sight? 

That's right - I'm on Scary Mommy! 5 Ways Teens Are Grosser Babies!

Don't forget to come back on the weekend to link up for Weekend Funnies #2.

I've Got To Stop Ordering Pizza So Often

It's entirely possible I may have been ordering Pizza a little too often around here.

The number one sign would have been the accumulation of empty pizza boxes in my house. Which is sort of justified. You aren't supposed to throw cardboard in the regular garbage, so in order to throw them out I either have to hide them in a garbage bag which means breaking them down, or I have to recycle them which means breaking them down.

Taking the garbage out is Asshat #2's job. It happens reliably one week out of four. Do you really think he's going to remember to take out the recycle bins one day later? Do you think I want to spend an hour after I get home sorting and preparing the recycling so the driver won't throw it all over the side of the road?

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Then there's the fact that the first thing I noticed when I entered my bedroom tonight was that my mom (who was over and folded laundry for me today!) had taken away the pizza box that was on the printer.

And maybe the one that was on the side of the bed I don't sleep on. What? It was a baby pizza so there was plenty of room in my queen bed for it and me. Pizza boxes don't snore or fart either.

The biggest clue though is the dog. My normally timid dog will greet you like an old friend if you are carrying a red pizza bag. There are people he has known since he was a puppy that make him run for his life when he sees them. Okay, he doesn't really run for his life. He runs for his mommy, and then cowers behind my legs shivering.

But the pizza delivery guy is always a friend. Any pizza delivery guy - he loves them all.

He's a slut like that. 

Tonight someone just pulled into the neighbors. The dog started running around crying and puppy yipping like there was a bunny in the yard or his gramma was here.

I firmly believe he thought the pizza guy was here. Probably because that's exactly how he acted the last time we had pizza.

So yes, it's entirely possible I've been ordering pizza way to often.