Let's face it, there are certain "digestive issues" that accompany working ridiculous hours. For starters, most of the time you really just don't have enough time in the morning to sit and relax and give your morning coffee time to work it's magic.
Plus when you work crazy hours, healthy eating kind of flies out the window. I tend to grab granola bars throughout the day and follow it with a meal of highly processed carbs smothered in cheese. I know granola bars are usually pretty high in fiber, but it's been my experience that it's not really the pooping kind of fiber. It's more the farting kind of fiber.
I have mentioned before that aging has brought the nasty surprise of "fart incontinence" right? So it shouldn't have really been a shock that when I arrived at work and bent over to put my bag under the desk one tiny little fart escaped.
I mean we are talking an entire work week of crappy food and no time to let nature do it's work here.
What was shocking about that tiny little fart bubble, was the smell that assaulted my nose when I stood up. So I immediately slammed the office window open, but before I could make it over to the exhaust fan my co-supervisor came hurtling into the office. Right into my fart wall.
That slowed him down a bit.
Thankfully the only thing he said was "I know I didn't do that!" I'm even more grateful that I didn't start snickering like an eight year old.
Like I've said before, I can be an asshole sometimes.
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your boss walking into your fart? well, that stinks. haha
ReplyDeleteIt was my co-worker, but yeah it still stunk. ;-)
DeleteSeeing that everybody's in the same digestive boat, I think I might be making my rounds, doing a little crop dusting?
ReplyDeleteAt least you'd have them all wondering what you were smiling about. :)
I "crop dust" often. It's just not usually so "notable".
DeleteI laughed till I had tears. Its nice to know I'm not the only one who has the bending over,walking, getting up off the couch, laughing, stretching, What in the world is happening to my body farts. A word of advice, don't eat fiber one bars unless you are seeking revenge on someone. We refer to them as fart bars at our house.
ReplyDeleteI've raised boys. Every fart has the potential for revenge if it occurs at the right time. The first five minutes after I've arrived at work are NOT the right time. And yes farts can happen at all of those times. Sometimes with a nice little pee dribble to remind me I'm no longer a sexy 20 yr old too.
DeleteI supervised a woman who called in with "explosive diarrhea" (more than once). That excuse is an ace in the hole (so to speak), because nobody wants to work with someone who may potentially soil the office furniture. Constipation just doesn't garner the same depth of fear and sympathy.
ReplyDeleteWhatever happened to calling in and just claiming "illness". I'm not your mother - I don't need the details.
DeleteBrilliant! Fart stories are the best... Not only did I manage to mangle a display in Starbuck once but five minutes later managed to fart in the face of an unlucky bookstore employee. I'm clearly a liability.
ReplyDeletehttp://stephinlondon.com/2013/01/10/studies-have-confirmed-that-i-am-in-fact-a-giant-boob/
No matter how mortifying it is when it happens to me, I still have a hard time not giggling though.
DeleteHahahahaha! Now, I've used diarrhea as an excuse to get out of work, but not the opposite. But if that coworker hadn't dropped some waste in four days, that has to be a little painful. Your fart story reminded me that my boss is a 59 year old woman who routinely farts in front of me and doesn't even stop to acknowledge it. But she's older so her farts don't smell worse than her general old lady smell.
ReplyDeleteI'm familiar with the smell of old lady (although my mom who is 60 doesn't smell like that - it's my gramma who does). I can honestly say that judging by the stink trail that followed my gramma out of the bathroom last Sunday, I think I would still be able to detect her farts.
DeleteSo funny Vanessa! Hope things calm down a bit soon so you can get some healthy eats and time to let your coffee work!
ReplyDeleteSunday will be the day. I might spend most of it in my pajamas.
DeleteOMG I cant stop laughing and usually its my kids that really appreciate the fart jokes. This one is classic.
ReplyDeleteThere's no point in embarrassing yourself if you can't make other people laugh about it!
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