Snooze alarm math, because getting up is hard to do.

I'm incapable of properly setting a real alarm clock every time the power flickers, so I use my phone. Whenever I need an alarm at a different time, I make a new one. I'm up to four now and they are all set to go off every day except Sunday. I would rather have my sleep disturbed repeatedly than risk oversleeping.

I don't know what I was thinking when I chose an alarm that sounds like sunshine shining, unicorns farting glitter and birds singing for the one that goes off at 5:30 am. In reality it's dark, the effing wind is howling and there is no glitter. This morning I hit the snooze twice and by the third time had convinced myself that I didn't really need to go in an hour early to catch up from being off work for a few days. Half an hour would be plenty so I dismissed the singing birds and the glitter farts.

When the second alarm with it's more traditional annoying beep beep went off, I started doing my snooze alarm math.

My Brain: I need to leave at x time and it will take me y to get ready which =a+2b+c. I can hit the snooze one more time because I know where there is a matching pair of socks.

After it went off the third time I considered the howling wind, snow, and Arctic temperatures. Instead of hitting the snooze another couple or three times, I got up and made the coffee and did some more math.

My Brain: The roads are snowy so I need to an extra 10 minutes travel time but I've got plenty of time to sit and have another cup of coffee.

I toast the first bagel in between brushing my teeth, when it's done I pop the second one in and run out and start the car - OMG it's cold! One minute to throw my hair in a pony, 30 seconds to reapply my deodorant because I forgot that I had already put it on. Another 3 minutes to gather up my work phone and my personal phone, cream cheese my bagels and put everything in my backpack.

Then I went out to the car where the ice and snow had melted not at all. I brushed and scraped and then brushed some more.

My Brain: I wonder who thought an aluminum handle on an ice scraper that you use in the cold was a good idea.

My Brain: An idiot that's who because my hands are freezing.

I got in the car and tried to back out of my driveway. Cursed, got out of my car and shoveled the snow drift away from the wheels. Got back in the car and after some rocking back and forth I was on my way. I arrived at work five minutes earlier than my usual time.

It's a damn good thing I was trying to get to work early or I would have been late.