You're Dying to Know Right?

Because I know you're all dying to know what's been happening with my uterus, I decided it was time to share an update.

I finally did get my Hysterosonogram. If you missed me bitching about it earlier, getting the appointment for this test was like trying to win a lottery. In fact during the five months it took me to book the test I won $108 on the lottery.

When I arrived for the test, the ultrasound department had just moved into their new home so I was shown into a lovely large room instead of a curtained cubicle. The technician pointed out that the bed had a depression in the middle - like I didn't notice and know exactly what that was for. What she forgot to do was let me know that it wasn't a good idea to use that part of the bed as an access point. My knee discovered that it's all hard metal under that sag in the fitted sheet.

Once I was suitably laid out - it was time for my audience. It's a good thing the room was large because this event was attended by the Ultrasound Technician, an ultrasound trainee of some kind, the radiologist and my gynecologist. That's more people than I would invite to a dinner party, never mind a viewing of my privates.

Nothing was really set up for the procedure, because it was a new room. Turns out the lighting that is best for ultrasounds is not necessarily best for seeing up inside of a vagina. Since the gynecologist didn't bring a head lamp with her, there was some scrambling to find a lamp of some kind. In her rush to get one in place, the radiologist nearly took off the gynecologists head with the lamp.

Finally everyone got themselves settled for the show, my uterus playing the lead of course.

If you were wondering, having a catheter threaded up your cervix so your uterus can be filled with saline is not a pleasant experience. On a scale of 1 to 10, with Mirena installation being an eight, the procedure ranks a 10 for pain discomfort. Childbirth isn't on this scale because at least they offer you drugs for that.

The technician, the gynecologist and the radiologist started muttering amongst themselves. Since it was my uterus they were discussing, I assumed it was acceptable to barge in on the conversation.

Me: So there are no polyps?

Gynecologist: No polyps.

Me: So it's a completely normal looking uterus?

Gynecologist: It is.

Me: So what's with all the bleeding?

Gynecologist: Sometimes that's just what happens. We'll discuss treatment options at your next appointment. You may experience some spotting over the next couple of days.

I was pissed. Not at the gynecologist, at least she tried to find a reason for the issues I was having as opposed to my last gyno who just slapped a Mirena in there and called it good enough. I was pissed that I waited five months for that test and it showed nothing at all.

If you wait five months to see what the inside of your uterus looks like, shouldn't there at least be some vague swirls that look like the face of Jesus or something? Even a smiley face or a hand flipping you the bird. Anything would have been better than nothing.