I can't wait until the guys leave to go to their Dad's for Christmas. I know I'm a horrible person. I mean who wants to be alone on Christmas Day. Me. Not for the whole day, just a little bit of it.
I get so few opportunities to do as I wish, and when they are home they have this radar. Radar that tells them that I'm about to immerse myself in something that I enjoy. Radar that lets them know how easy it is to distract me and interrupt the flow of my thoughts.
Being a loner my entire life has left me with the ability to lose myself in my own thoughts for hours at a time. I often prefer the inner dialogue to what's happening around me. So yeah, being constantly pulled out of my thoughts and then ignored as soon as they've accomplished their mission pisses me off endlessly.
I used to just stay up late and enjoy the quiet after they were sleeping, but I'm getting old and they are almost adults so I can't do this as much as I used to. Yet my soul still needs this quiet time.
Maybe it's time to start listening to music again. Pearl Jam so that I can't hear them bickering in the background. Some Garbage that will mute the oldest trying to walk on his hands in the living room. Maybe a little bit of Everlast to cover up the endless trips to the fridge. Kings of Leon to distract me from the possibilities of what the hell is going on out there! Nine Inch Nails to work off the irritation that something will probably get broken. A bit of Sheryl Crow to mellow my mood.
Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. Either that or start smoking weed.
I have a post along these lines percolating too. I've started staying up later and later every night, even though I'm exhausted the next day, because it's the whole time that the house is quiet and I can hear myself think. I completely get what you're saying!
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing as frustrating as that half formed sentence that gets interrupted before the first word is down.
DeleteConfession: when I ship my daughter off to Vegas to spend summer break with her dad (my exhusband) I wish I could ship my son off with her. But alas, he stays with me and my now-husband... Actually, now that I think about it, I would not mind shipping all three of them off for a week or two ;)
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas!
I get this, I really get this. No matter how beautiful these people in your life are 24/7 is freaking exhausting.
DeleteI get it. My soul so needs that quiet time too, and music sooths my soul too.
ReplyDeleteFor me it's not so much that the music soothes me. I find if there's too much distractions around me I'm better at focusing on something than I am at ignoring something. Like when we hit the gazillionth time someone has been to the fridge and I haven't been grocery shopping in over a week. There's no genie in there magically producing whatever it is you want. If such a genie existed she would be in my closet making sure I always had pants that fit AND made my ass look fantastic.
DeleteI'm single, and as much as I wish I had a husband and kids, I do appreciate that I get my alone time. I am definitely a loner and am rarely sad to be by myself. I need it! So I understand your desire for them to get on out the door to their dad's for a while :)
ReplyDeleteNo matter how wonderful family is, some people will always need that space. I know my mom has often said "I have no problem with the til death do us part, but the 24/7 is a bitch" ever since my dad retired.
DeleteI go to work half an hour earlier than I need to every day so I can read the newspaper at Starbucks. DON'T TELL ANYONE! :)
ReplyDeleteThat sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I just wonder how you stick to just a half hour?
DeleteSuch an honest post. I am currently listening to noise from different sources in different rooms and am already counting down until they go back to school in January! ;)
ReplyDeleteI used to hate the school vacations. Two weeks of for children who are accustomed to having the majority of their day scheduled leads to tantrums. Let's not even talk about what happens to the kids.
DeleteI totally get it. I need that kind of quiet time too.
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of a relief to realize I'm not the only one. There have been people in my life who've made me feel selfish for this. Yet, when I get the time I need, I can be so much more involved the rest of the time.
DeleteMy husband and I don't have kids, but I do understand. When he's awake, it's CRASH SLAM BOOM, which are normal noises but early in the morning they just seem amplified. Now I get up before he does and the hour or so of quiet time is lovely. Great music choices!
ReplyDeleteMy parents are retired and it's just the two of them. This time of year is when my mom starts saying "Why does he have to play solitaire in the living room while I'm trying to nap. Does he not know how loud those cards are?"
Deletei think you should listen to music and maybe also start smoking. ;)
ReplyDeleteand get some headphones for when everyone is around. nothing wrong with wanting some time with yourself and some peace and quiet. you deserve it. doesn't make you a horrible person by any stretch.
After reading these comments and realizing that I'm not the only one who feels like this? I am going to make not feeling guilty for it my New Year's Resolution. I think I can keep that one.
DeleteI feel ya, sister. Mine are little and I am home with them ALL OF THE TIME. I used to despise being alone, but now that I am a wife and a mother I devour it. Hope you enjoyed your peace.
ReplyDeleteWhen my guys were little I would wander around the Hardware store for hours - just because I was alone!
DeleteWait wait wait wait WAIT. Are you saying that Pearl Jam, Everlast and Nine Inch Nails is now the music of the "older" crowd? But they're so cool and edgy!! Damn.
ReplyDeleteMore to the point of your post, I work with children every day and don't mind at all coming home to a more quiet house.
Wait - are you saying we are the older crowd? Take that shit back!
DeleteBut yes, there is something so revitalizing about spending time in your own space alone.
That's what *you* said first! *You* take it back! :D
DeleteI take it back - all of it. Besides, it's music my oldest introduced me to and he's exactly half my age so that makes it young hip music and me just a very hip member of the older crowd. I can live with middle aged hip and edgy!
DeleteHehe-I went shopping today and got called "Ma'am" more times than I can count. I hate it! And I hate the music kids listen to today! Get off my lawn! (Just kidding about the music...well some of it.)
DeleteI hate the ma'am thing. Absoeffinglutely hate it. Some of the music drives me insane! Only it's coming from rooms in my own house.
DeleteI'd love to get carded - just once. I'd crow about it until the end of time.
I'm actually currently pissed at my hubby for accepting more freelance work. Yes, we can sure use the income, but damn! I get so tired of being the only parent home with my four babes. I adore them, but am so wiped by the time I get them to bed that I can barely function, let alone enjoy any "me" time. Sigh...
ReplyDeleteI get that I truly do. No matter how much you know it's "for the better of the family" as a whole, it's hard when the "for the better of you" part has to take second seat.
Delete