How the fuck did my life come to this point?
Yesterday that feeling hit me like a ton of bricks. Right after I went around talking to all the men in the packhouse about improving their aim. It seems we've got ourselves a fellow who is either waiting too long to go to the bathroom or is just a slob, because he pisses on the floor in front of the urinal at least 4 times a day.
Yes - I had the potty talk with a bunch of grown ass men.
I mean it isn't sucky enough that I've been dumped from an almost 5 year relationship, I've also got this job that calls for some crazy assed hours - supervising a lot of people. Sixty of them.
Those sixty people are quite a mix too.
I've got high spirited Jamaicans displaying tomatoes with dicks at their workspaces. Today, I saw this lovely combo...
It's like they were made for each other isn't it?
Sadly, it's the most action I've seen in over a month.
And I've got strait laced Mennonite ladies - so I'm always doing the balancing act between being my usual trashy self and being my "mature professional" self.
Let's just say the trashy me is the real me.
Then I've got the problem people.
The young people who have no goals in life - and trust me it shows - that I'm always trying to encourage. I don't know why I let it happen but they bring out the mother in me.
The slow guy, who is a great worker - with a serious flirting issue - that always has to be tamped down. If there is a pretty girl in his vicinity he can't stop himself from staring.
Then there's The Swinger - who spent the week stomping around like a herd of PMSing 11 year old girls who had all just been dumped. I have never in my life met a man who gets his panties in a twist like this one does. To top it off, when I made my rounds doing the "aim" talk, he let me know that it wasn't him because he pees blood.
Eeew, just fucking eeew, but BULLSHIT! If the guy peed blood there would be a medical reason. He's obviously spent too many years working with people who don't know how to call him on his shit, because none of his BS is believable to me.
Seriously - How The Fuck Did My Life Come To THIS?
Believe you me, I ask myself the same question.
ReplyDeleteAbout my life, I mean, not yours.
There should be a support group for people who have this sudden realization. "WTF Anonymous" seems like a good enough name.
Sounds like a perfect name to me, because I keep wondering what the fuck happened to bring me to this point.
DeleteYou need a vacation. Wow! Although I ask myself the same question about my own life all the time.
ReplyDeleteIt only hits me when my life is going really really really wrong, and I wake up each day and keep doing the same thing over and over again.
DeleteYou should take one person off of their regular duties for a day and assign them the job of bathroom monitor.
ReplyDeleteI love that Idea!!!
DeleteAnything would beat the embarrassment I went through having to talk to about 20 men regarding bathroom habits - especially when I know it's one of six of them.
DeleteActually - I have two strong contenders but since I can't prove it - I had to tell everyone.
If I lived closer, I'd come work there. I know it's too far, because there's Mennonites there. My doctor just called me about me peeing blood last week, so this guy might be telling the truth. Oh wait, he said there was some blood in my urine. Big difference.
ReplyDeleteExactly - some blood in your urine is not "peeing blood". If it wasn't for blogging I would never have the opportunity to talk to literate people these days.
DeleteAlso, I strongly suspect you live almost exactly where I would live if I didn't have to worry about making a living.
DeleteI'm at a loss for words...!!!
ReplyDeleteThe pee talk was pretty damn embarrassing - but I've got to say it worked!
Delete((( hugs ))) I have these moments too. You need a vacation. And a cocktail. Come sit by me. I have wine.
ReplyDeleteEven a weekend would be awesome! Definitely a cocktail and if I sit by you can we say bad things about The Swinger?
DeleteHuh. I must be one of yours. I once asked someone if he wanted to eat my freaky tomato. Not because I'm a crazy person, but because he seemed hungry and I had a freaky tomato in the fridge...
ReplyDeleteHow the fuck do any of us get to this point? Bad luck, inadequate planning, poor genetics... The more important question is how we get out. I'm pretty certain that involves duct tape, green relish, and tube socks... not necessarily in that order.
You're completely right - how to get out is the more important question. So far everything I've tried has been a giant fail.
DeleteTeaching men to pee straight definitely makes you one of the good humans on this planet of ours, and for that you deserve much admiration. Is the hermaphrodite vegetable a tomato?
ReplyDeleteDealing with The Swinger is quickly making me one of the crazy humans on this planet. It is actually two tomatoes - a girl tomato and a boy tomato.
DeleteWe have to have bathroom talks where I work as well.... Feels so weird to have to do that with a group of grown people!
ReplyDeleteIt does feel strange doesn't it? The worst is, I know most of them didn't need the bathroom talk but singling out people isn't "fair".
DeleteWow. That's awful. I work with children and we don't have to deal with that sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm sort of jealous. Except around children I would have to wear duct tape on my mouth or something...
Delete