This past weekend, in a weird twist of the universe, I somehow found myself puppy sitting for my ex-husband while he took the youngest fishing.
The puppy is a 6 month old Saint Bernard. For a puppy he was mostly quiet and pretty well behaved. He may have pooped on my bedroom floor, but since I didn't have to clean it up no harm no foul. The first night he just pouted, and there ain't nothing sadder looking than a sad St. Bernard puppy.
We did have some discussion on whether he could just go off home on his own. Possibly a little dispute on whether sofas are for dogs. In my house they aren't. They certainly aren't for dogs who walk around with foot long goobers hanging off their faces.
On Sunday the oldest took both dogs for a walk. Which led to last nights downright gross fest.
I came home from work and cut the grass, since I've finally managed to get the motherfucking mower to start. Then I texted The Polish Guy a list of my things still at his house. The only thing I really cared about was my two Hibiscus. I've had them for fourteen years, they're each about 5 feet tall and I'll be fucked if I'm going to see them on his lawn all summer.
Well I guess he didn't expect to have to give them up because he told me I forgot to ask for a bag of dog shit back too. Apparently it's still a sore point that in between working 70 hour weeks, keeping my house somewhat livable and making time for him - I never had time to clean up dog shit at his house (yes it is my dog's shit). Hell, I still haven't had time to clean up dog shit at my house.
I told him he shouldn't be bitter since he dumped me and he called me childish. I of course proceeded to drink too much and cry on my girlfriend's shoulder.
So there I am walking around on my deck - in my slippers - and I feel the unmistakable pop of a stepped on bug. I look down and see a ton of blood. More blood than the biggest bug is going to have on it's own.
I had stepped on a fully engorged tick. In all of my wallowing self pity, I missed my dog walking around with a tick on him for four fucking days. Did I stop feeling sorry for myself and check him over for more? Oh hell no. I was too far into the whole howling bit by then.
So tonight, the dishes will get done. Clothes will be washed. The dog will be brushed.
And I will get back to living my life such as it is. I may still weep, but I'll be damned if I'm going to keep hiding my head under the blankets. I'll be washing my slippers too. Blech.
Anytime you need someone to watch that St. Bernard in your place, just send him on over to Michigan :) I bet he's so cute!
ReplyDeleteThe rest sounds pretty crappy. I don't know why the polish guy is being such a jerk, since, like you said, he is the one that broke up with you! For sure you need to get those hibiscus back!
That Saint Bernard puppy arrived fluffy and went home with dried drool goobers on his paws and chest. I don't know how you would keep a dog like that smelling clean. But yes, he is cute.
DeleteI did get my hibiscus back. Still missing the dog bed, but whatever.
I guess you needed to be "ticked" off in order to move to the next phase! Don't be too hard on yourself though.
ReplyDeleteThat tick was gross.
DeleteWe have 5 St. Bernards! The youngest is 16 months old and weighs in at 190 pounds. I have learned to keep a towel handy because the slobber is nonstop. A few weeks ago one of the dogs shook his head and I watched as the slobber flew off his mouth, twisted up in the air, and landed IN my ear! I guess I really love animals because it didn't really bother me!
ReplyDeleteMy parents had one when I was little. I've never forgotten the drool goobers. In your ear is way better than in your mouth or doing a something about mary scene with it in your hair.
DeleteI was crying over a boyfriend once at my old job (way professional, right? But in my defense, it was my college job, and who was professional at their college jobs, anyway?) and a customer stopped, looked at me with the sweetest face in the world, and said, "My grandma used to say, 'This, too, shall pass.'" (You were expecting something smartass, weren't you? ;) ) I remember that to this day--not just the saying that everyone's heard, but the way she took time out of her day to make me feel better. It will get better!!
ReplyDeleteIt always gets better, or easier or something. It just takes time.
DeleteUp until about 10 years ago, I had never even seen a tick. Now, they are a terrible problem here. In the spring I refuse to walk in tall grass. I can do a tick check for my dog, but there's nobody to do one for me.
ReplyDeleteWhen my high school sweetheart dumped me, and I found myself at my Grandma's house crying my eyes out, she said something that stuck with me. She said, "if he doesn't want you, then you don't want him." I've always remembered that. Helped me maintain that "EFF YOU!" attitude. :)
ReplyDeleteThe "EFF YOU!" attitude is an extremely helpful state of being. I'm going to be wearing it with pride as often as possible just now.
DeleteWhen poeple talk about the healing power of pets, I am fairly certain they are talking about caring for their needs and their endless ability to mess stuff up in new and exciting ways, as opposed to the power of their love and friendship. Or at least that's how I see it. Glad to see you are getting back to a better place.
ReplyDeleteI'm working on it. It helps right now that I'm pissed off enough to remember the stuff that pissed me off during the four years we were together. The "little" things that I let go of and maybe should have instead jumped on.
DeleteI sure as fuck won't miss listening to him chew for a half hour before bed.
My wife & I want to get a dog, but since we share a yard with our neighbors & their two flee & tick ridden dogs are almost never bathed, we aren't putting a rush on it. I'm not a fan of the tick poppin'.
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, at least this tick experience snapped you out of your funk, if even a little.
Because heartworm, fleas and ticks are an issue in my area we rely on Revolution over the summer. Normally we don't start using it until June though, and ticks seem to be at their worst in the spring.
DeleteYay, poop talk! We have two big dogs that have been shitting in our yard all winter. Since the snow has been so deep here, we couldn't exactly clean it up. Now all the snow has melted and where there should be grass there is actually just shit. Piles and piles of shit! I could send you some to light on fire and put in a bag on The Polish Guy's door step? I'm kidding of course, but maybe you should do that with some of your dog's shit! It might cheer you up at least :)
ReplyDeleteCheers from Brandy at http://brandysbustlings.blogspot.ca/
My mulching mower vaporized some of it. I know it isn't really vaporized, but if I can't see it I call good enough.
DeleteThank GOD you had your slippers on. I am shuddering even with the slippers. YUCK!!! (and I'm totally glad you never had time to shovel his yard. GOOD!!) --Lisa
ReplyDeleteBecause relationships aren't supposed to be about score keeping right? And if they were, he totally owes me because I was that fucking awesome.
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