Excessive alcohol consumption is of course the fastest road to being an asshole. But it can also be triggered by some things that most people wouldn't even notice.
Things like sitting in my chair. I mean sure, I'll let you warm it up for me, but it had better be empty as soon as I walk in the door.
It isn't like I'll fight you for it, but neither one of us is going to have as nice of a time as we would have if you'd moved. Mostly because yes, I'm going to be an asshole while you are sitting in my chair.
In fact I won't even take my coat off until you either move or leave, since really in my mind I'm not there yet. How could I be there? My ass is in the wrong chair.
Sorry. I've got no more control over it than PMS. Actually I've got more control over PMS - an Advil will take the edge off of that.
I used to be worse. I had a special bowl and spoon for my cereal. They were completely unique, at least in my mother's kitchen they were, and if someone used them before me? Well lets just say nobody was going to have a good morning. Or at least nobody who could hear me was going to.
How about you? Have you got a "special" spot you sit in?
I am kind of like that too... I have my spot...stay out of it! :)
ReplyDeleteExactly! Otherwise things are just going to be awkward and uncomfortable. I mean if I feel awkward and uncomfortable I'll probably pass it around a bit. Then everyone feels awkward and uncomfortable and people start gulping down their drinks so they can get the hell away from the giant asshole in the room.
DeleteWhenever I sit in the most comfortable seat in our house, with the best view of the TV, and a side table next to it for drinks and snacks, and my wife walks in, I have a Pavlovian response to move.
ReplyDeleteShe claims it as hers, and it's not worth the fight.
You are a very smart man. Very smart.
DeleteI have the corner of the couch near the light, with a table next to it. I don't watch the TV but I do read and need to see the words. When people are in "my spot" I get pissed. It gets ugly when my little stubborn one sits her tiny buns in it. Oh, and I voted for you!
ReplyDeleteTracy @ Momaical
Be kindly persistent. Of all the ways my teens choose to aggravate me - they completely respect "my spot". It might be the only thing I get from them some days - but at least I get that much!
DeleteOh I'm so happy to know I'm not alone! For me it's my coffee mugs and tea cups.. Oh and maybe my scissors, tweezers and hair brush.. Ugh. I better stop. I really am an asshole. Great post. :)
ReplyDeleteI have a secret stash of things like tweezers and nail clippers. Scissors seem to be a lost cause. I'm a master at opening packaging with a paring knife.
DeleteI have tweezers and a comb that I got in college, and a brush that I got in the mid-80s, and I've told my children and husband that I LOVE THOSE THREE ITEMS MORE THAN I LOVE THEM SO STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM.
DeleteIf you have perfect grooming accessories people should respect them and NOT touch.
DeletePlease tell me you call anyone sitting in your seat "meathead."
ReplyDeleteIt was my best friend, so I just called her a bitch. It's okay though, she called me one right back.
DeleteI am like that about my parking space at work. I won't speak to a person for the whole day when they park in my spot.
ReplyDeleteOh the parking spot! I am so with you on that one. I used to work with a lady who would park in my first choice parking spot in the am, and then be parked in my second choice parking spot when I came back from lunch. Finally I asked her to just pick one and be done with it.
DeleteI don't have a special spot. For me, it's my coffee mug. It was a gift. No one dares touch it because Heaven help whoever does.
ReplyDeleteHey, for me it used to be a "special" cereal bowl and spoon, so I can respect that.
DeleteI respect special chairs and such. I have two cups that I use for my water each day (one to use and the other to use when that one is in the dish washer) If anyone else in my family used them, I. Would. Lose. It!
ReplyDeleteI have special glasses/cups. I find it easier to just leave them at my desk and wash them before I use them the next time.
DeleteIf all else fails? I WILL lick them and put a post it note on them advising the Asshats I've done so.
Once my son broke my special mug (because he was using it when he shouldn't have). He felt so bad that he got me a new special mug for Christmas. Everyone knows better than to touch it.
ReplyDeleteYour son is such a sweetheart! Special mugs are serious stuff.
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