It's Only Embarassing If You Can't Laugh About It

I once mooned my elderly neighbors. Completely by accident of course. I was hanging laundry on the clothesline in my nightie and housecoat. For whatever reason I backed out from under a line already hung with something or other. Whatever it was did it's best impersonation of Velcro and before I knew my nightie was up around my neck and my bare white ass saw the sun for the first time ever. I guess I deserved it for hanging out in my PJ's well past noon like a well fed sloth.

Another time my mom was over for tea and my now ex- husband, was visiting the neighbors. Being as they were drinking beer together and the man had the world's smallest bladder he went around the back of the neighbors house to pee.

Seriously - the man was known for stopping on his way into the house to piss on a tree.

The problem is that our neighbors back yard was connected to our front yard. So there's me and my mom sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea while my ex is taking a leak. With a height advantage of 4 feet or so we could see over the fence right down to his shoes.

It's a good thing men only need one hand to pee, because once he looked up and saw us he waved. I'm not sure how many other men out there can claim their mother-in-law has seen their dick, but I don't think it's very many.

A few years later I'm on my way to a trade show in Toronto and my bladder felt like it was going to burst. So I found a service center and headed for the bathroom.

As I'm sitting on the toilet I kind of look down and think wow those are some pretty manly looking boots in the next stall.

Somewhere in between peeing and flushing another thought hits me that smells like man poo. The light dawns - holy shit I'm in the Mensroom!

I'm sorry to say in my mortification, I did not take advantage of my one and only visit to a mens public washroom to see what was different from the ladies.

It's been a couple of years since my last trade show but we always stayed at the same motel because there was an attached bar and about three Steakhouses within walking distance. It wasn't the finest motel in Toronto but hey trade shows are all about the eating and drinking right?

So anyhow after the evening festivities, while I knew I could still find my room I head back to it. Not quite ready to sleep I sat at the desk and fucked around on the internet. The desk chair was one of those seriously hard wood ones with the butt conforming scoop.

Restaurant food doesn't always sit well with me and since I was alone I was ripping off some farts. Very long, very loud farts. Eventually I went to bed.

The next morning I realized that I could hear the people in the adjoining room like there wasn't even a wall. Since I never heard them arrive, I can only assume that they spent the prior evening listening to my butt-trumpet and if they could hear that I'm pretty sure they heard me giggling like a fucking kid at my own farts.