It's something I'm always working on. Trying to suppress the knee-jerk response long enough for my brain to catch up and allow me to react more appropriately.
Sometimes this means my response might still be bitchy, but trust me it's better than it would have been if I hadn't taken that time to respond thoughtfully instead of emotionally.
Then of course there's those times where I'm either too tired to force intellect to rule over emotion or the stimuli is just too damn strong.
This morning, my bitch switch got flipped in a big way.
I had a voice mail from my ex-husband. Now it stands to reason that experience gained over the years mean he's good at triggering that bitch switch, but I've also gotten pretty good at not letting him get to me. But this time the trigger was just too damn strong.
Ex: Hi Vanessa, can you please make sure #2 is ready to go when I get there? I don't mind waiting a little bit but it's getting to be a pain.
First trigger is the Hi Vanessa. He's calling his kids - not me.
Second trigger is the entire statement. Our arrangement allows for alternate weekends and one weeknight per week. I've worked at keeping it as fluid as possible - for the kid's sake.
However, I don't find it cool when Tuesday - the weeknight - gets cancelled and rescheduled week after week. Sometimes it gets cancelled and rescheduled and then cancelled and rescheduled again. It makes planning meals a tad bit aggravating. It should also be noted that he does not arrive at a set time for pick ups, it's whenever he can make it after work.
So when the fuck exactly am I supposed to have the kid ready and waiting?
On Tuesday which has become the classic no show night?
On the alternate weekend for 4, or 5, or 6 or whatever goddamned time he finally makes it?
It should also be noted that "the kid" is 17 going on 18 and dad should be damn grateful he's still willing to hang out with his old man. Lots of kids that age aren't cool with hanging out with parents.
So now that I've gotten that off my chest - lets get the funnies rolling.
Weekend Funnies is live.
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That must be frustrating. Perhaps you should just reply that you'd be happy to. If he lets you know an hour before hand that he's coming, you'll make sure your son is ready. Then the responsibility is back on him.
ReplyDeleteThen he would be at least 30 minutes later than when he said he would arrive. He comes from a family that cannot tell time.
DeleteEven more frustrating is I try to teach my boys to be courteous of other people's time but really - you have to draw the line somewhere and for someone who is that unreliable the line was crossed long ago.
I deal with that the opposite way. Stepson's mom is so difficult that I'm now willing to drive to pick him up & drop him off. Through traffic. Every Friday. But if not, she says a time to pick him up, then calls 45mins later to say she just woke up or whatever, then comes......eventually. I love the kid but the waiting around puts a wrench in my days since we both also work. She doesn't so why the hell can't she keep any plan or times??!!!
ReplyDeleteMy 17 year old takes all of his electronics with him, so packing up does take a few minutes. Now if he knows say 15 minutes before he'll get ready but he's not going to pack up all his stuff and then sit there bored for 1 or 2, or even 3 hours.
DeleteI've found I always have to stop & carefully consider my responses. Things got messy back when I didn't. I think I made someone cry once...
ReplyDeleteI still slip and I always regret it after I make an ass of myself.
DeleteI can't stand it when people are bad with time. I'm pretty much irresponsible with most aspects of my life. But I'm always on time. For me, ten minutes early is on time.
ReplyDeleteI can be tolerant for about 30 minutes of lateness. Anything more than that is going to bother me.
DeleteI got really lucky in my divorce. My ex lives about 6 blocks away, which sounds bad, but we never talk to each other. The kids go to her house whenever they feel like it. They might go two days in a row and then not go again for 3 weeks.
ReplyDeleteThat's the best kind of arrangement. It's far more natural for the kids than anything else.
DeleteOh, sorry to hear that. I don't blame you for flipping your switch!
ReplyDeleteIt was aggravating to be called to task by the person who is 90% of the problem.
Deleteseems perfectly reasonable to flip to me....but unfair that it's down to some else that you lost your cool when you've tried so hard.
ReplyDeleteHe should work harder on being punctual and reliable himself before asking it of others.
DeleteThis is totally going to be my new catch phrase!!
ReplyDeleteAnd that TOTALLY made me flip my switch for you...for all the reasons. UGH!
Yes, it was highly irritating. Not to mention it was followed by him being dropped off at 9pm on Sunday. Granted he's no longer a little kid who has to be to bed early (as if that would happen), but he still comes home with laundry that needs to be washed. I always save the last load of darks for after he's home so he will have clean clothes for the next day. With a front load wash machine that load takes an hour.
DeleteLaws yes, I know this all too well! It's so super annoying. I was just saying how my budget is all screwed up b/c I just have to plan a dinner for my son (almost 18) b/c he NEVER wants to go to his dad's when he's supposed to.
ReplyDeleteAnd I get Captain Fantastic (my ex) calling me saying the same thing "Why isn't he ready? Why do I have to wait?" Why are you calling ME? and not HIM? Do I call YOU when I pick him up at YOUR house and he's not ready? NO. Mostly b/c I'd rather stab myself in the ear than hear your voice, but STILL!!
Oh I am so familiar with the whole I would rather stab myself in the ear...
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