Ron had a way with kids, especially my oldest little boy. I don't know if it was just his nature or his experience as a Judo instructor, but he always knew exactly the perfect amount of wrestling for my little tornado. Ron stopped while it was still fun - before things got out of hand.
Infinite patience and a stern voice when needed will take you far in a child's eyes.
By the time my little boy was old enough for school, Ronnie had superhero status in my household. If my boys were awake, every stroll through his backyard brought him his hero's due. Excited cries of "Ronnie!" were blasted from our window or the sandbox in our yard. When the playmates started coming over, he got to hear a chorus of children call his name from our sandbox. Each of them trying to be the loudest.
While his hero status was rising, Ron's health was failing. Complications of the treatments that saved his life when he was a teen with Hodgkin’s disease were catching up to him. There were heart attacks followed by bypass surgery. Then one day he could no longer keep food down and was hospitalized. The same radiation therapy that saved him so many years ago had paved the way for another cancer. Within days he was gone.
My little boy was only six or seven when I told him his hero had died. He cried and wailed with the grief of a child. When there were no signs of it easing, I took him in my arms and told him that it was okay to be sad and that he was allowed to be as sad as he needed to be.
Then I told him that when he felt like it, it would be okay to be happy too.
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I'm so sorry for your boys, even though it was ages ago. We have two "Ronnies" in our neighborhood, and I can't imagine losing either of them.
ReplyDeleteTheir dad was really cast adrift when it happened. Losing a close friend can be so very hard on a grown man.
DeleteWhat a difficult thing to learn so young. Well written. Really lovely piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteThat is so hard. I know most of us hope to not have to deal with death when our children are little, or to shield them. And yet, we can't. How sad for Ronnie, and your little tornado. But yes, there is the hope of one day being happy too. Thanks for this post--seems very appropriate for today.
ReplyDeleteThank you, it felt like the right post for today.
DeleteOh man. I'm so sorry your kiddies had to learn about this at such a young age. You handled it really well though. xo
ReplyDeleteMy oldest has always been the one I understood best. At the time I knew he really needed to hear that he was allowed to be happy even if he was sad.
Deletewhat a great way to handle something so hard. I'm sorry he had to go through that, but what a great message of healing for everyone today. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, this memory felt appropriate for today.
DeleteWhat a great post, and something that is so helpful to share. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you. It actually brought back a lot of warm happy memories for me.
DeleteI liked the comforting words you gave your son. I've seen so many people suffer from guilt when it's time for their grief to lessen a little.
ReplyDeleteAt the time, it seemed like he really needed that reassurance.
DeleteWhat a great influence Ronnie was on your children- like a stand-in grandpa. I love that you said at some point it will be okay to be happy too :)
ReplyDeleteHe was a positive influence for many others as well. Through his days teaching Judo I know he touched on many lives.
Deleteoh sooo sad... i'm so sorry for him and your son. not easy losing a hero, or being one. :(
ReplyDeleteAs sad as it was to lose him, it was a privilege to have known him.
DeleteWhat a sad thing. I love how you handled it.
ReplyDeleteThank you. It seemed to be what he needed to hear at the time.
DeleteThis was just beautiful, Vanessa. So beautiful. I could feel the heartbreak of your son. I loved that you also told him it was okay to be happy when he felt happy. --Lisa
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI love how you kept this story short and simple, like the words of comfort that you said to your son.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI'm so sorry that your son had to face the loss of a hero at such a young age. You told this story so well, and the writing is so powerful in its brevity and simplicity.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI hope when I'm older I can be this type of person with young children. Reading to them, listening to their tall tales, finding jars for them to collect bugs. A child senses someone who is thrilled to see them and giving them undivided attention. Especially today, when everyone has their nose stuck in a smartphone.
ReplyDeleteI hope that there's enough time between empty nest and grandchildren that I can be that for them. Parenting is so different - it's always a scramble and you're never confident you did your best. Other people's children is just joy and fun.
DeleteYou handle this so well. It is okay to feel - something I never quite learned. To see it taught to a child is a lesson for me.
ReplyDeleteIf it wasn't okay to feel, we wouldn't be able to feel all we do. Whether it's god or evolution or whatever your beliefs are - we were meant to feel life.
Delete"when he felt like it, it would be okay to be happy too." - What an important part to include.
ReplyDeleteIt is the most important thing. That even in the midst of tragedy, the human spirit will endure and it is completely OK to be happy, even when you're sad.
DeleteWhat a hard lesson to learn at a young age. You handled this difficult time so lovingly - "it's okay to feel happy again" - what an important thing to hear at any age.
ReplyDeleteHe needed to know that and he needed to hear it too.
DeleteSo sad. Great last line!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI really love what you said to him. I'm going to keep that in my back pocket. My mom lost her father when she was young and one thing she has always said is that from then on out, she would occasionally feel happy but immediately feel guilty. It's important for kids to know its okay to be happy again.
ReplyDeleteWe've had to tell our kids the same thing too many times lately -- when both dogs died, when a cat died, when my grandmother died, when my father-in-law died, too. I hate doing that to my kids. Well done, mama!
ReplyDelete