This week he gave me a box of cookies.
Every one of them individually wrapped within it's own plastic tray.
With one of these little packet under the tray and warnings to not eat or microwave.
They were called Wife Cakes and gave me terrible indigestion - make of that what you will.
Apparently I give The Polish Guy indigestion too.
So tonight The Polish Guy dropped off the little bit of stuff I had at his house. Seriously, four years together and it fit in one box. Most of it was the dog's stuff.
I guess that means he's saying no way to the Friday night dog visitation I always joked about. No worries - there's always a walk as an alternative.
Three strikes - You're Out!
Yep, that's right. Three strikes. Three relationships for my 42 years (I don't count flings - I know the difference) and three failures. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter if it's my failure, their failure or our failure. It wasn't a win.
For each of the last two, I've taken the leap of faith - this time will be different. I've made my best effort to let go of the past and hope for a future. This guy isn't the one who hurt me last. This guy will be different.
And I've discovered the landing to be just as rocky and painful as the last time.
This guy was different. This guy is a guy who was never meant to go through life alone. So boo to the ladies who treated him like shit on his last go arounds, and boo to him for not dreaming that this time would be different and braving the free-fall.
Even if the landing is rocky, the fall is pure exhilaration.
Now please excuse me, I'm sure there are some cats out there looking for love.
*We grow tomatoes at work, but at the end of each row is a green bean plant for sentinel purposes. The beans from them may not be "garden grown" but they are far superior to the grocery store offerings this time of year. They're also free.
Oh, I'm sorry Vanessa.
ReplyDeleteI am too, but it is what it is. I can't keep fighting to prove I'm not his past - he has to do that himself. Right guy, wrong time I guess.
DeleteOh no, that's sad! I'm sorry! Hugs from across the river.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kianwi - it really does mean a lot to me.
DeleteI'm sorry to hear that, Vanessa. Hope you're doing ok x
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'll be fine. Life has taught me that no matter what is happening, it keeps moving forward. Bills still have to be paid so you get up and go to work. Kids still need you, so you come home and care for them.
DeleteEventually the hurt fades.
Yes it hurts, I've been there. Two failed marriages, three major failed relationships (well the one guy died of cancer, so it wasn't his fault) and I figured I was done with love. Then in 1980 along came Roger complete with little kids and lots of baggage. I tried to run, I tried to hide but he persisted. Now we're married and in our late sixties.
ReplyDeleteAs you say, the hurt fades but you never forget it. But time and distance sort of quarantines it and makes it into novel fodder.
Sending good vibes your way, S.
Thanks Shirls. I honestly appreciate your support, but at this point I still feel I need to accept that I was meant to struggle through life alone. I see what my parents, my aunts and uncles and even one of my cousins have. I know I can't settle for any less, and I know I can't do that free-fall once again and find nothing but jagged rocks at the bottom. So here's to me being the best possible alone me I can be.
DeleteI love your take on the whole thing. As good as it can be and take from it what you can. Sending you good "single again" vibes.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Time heals all.
DeleteI can't say anything insightful about the rest of the post because I don't know you - beyond my commiserations, and it's a beautiful way you've written about it. Wife Cakes are very popular here in China at certain times of the year. And every cake comes individually wrapped, along with every biscuit, bananas, mandarins, toilet rolls - everything! There is somewhat of an environmental ignorance, you could say ;)
ReplyDeleteI can't even fathom the labor that goes into wrapping everything individually. I know how much goes into a clamshell or box of tomatoes - never mind single wrapped bananas.
DeleteI'm sorry. I know you'll make it, though. I don't know if anyone is "meant to be" single or coupled. But however it turns out for you will be just fine. I think your life is at least 3/4-assed.
ReplyDeleteThanks - and you know as well as I there's always a cat looking for a home right?
DeleteI'm really sorry Vanessa..my last relationship imploded so horribly I've decided that forever single is way better then having my heart stomped and being with someone who treats me like shit again. I think being alone is a good thing...gives me time to focus on myself and figure out why I make such shitty choices in men.
ReplyDeleteThere is that - the opportunity to focus on self. There's also one less tie binding me down. I've got one more year of the youngest in school and then I'm free to go where I please for work and life.
DeleteI am so sorry. Dating sucks, guy suck, getting your heart broken sucks the worst. It is so hard the older we get. I am at the point I don't even want to try anymore. Isn't worth it.
ReplyDeleteI think for now, I just want to focus on having a full life - on my own.
DeleteLoved this: Even if the landing is rocky, the fall is pure exhilaration. What a wonderful perspective especially when it's easy to focus on the broken hearts.
ReplyDeleteWe had some really great times. I don't want the anger to cloud that.
DeleteI hope it was a drama free ending. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Silly men!
ReplyDeleteVery drama free. What's the point of drama? It doesn't solve anything.
DeleteI am actually pretty hungry, so free work beans sounds pretty good right now.
ReplyDeleteI am making this super huge green bean casserole tonight. Big enough to take to a pot luck even though there's only 3 of us. It's hard to get seconds around here.
Delete