My grandmother is a thrifty sort. She grew up poor and to this day won't throw food away. I've watched her carefully scrape leftover mashed potatoes into successively smaller plastic ware to save it for another night, and another, and another. Right down to the last tablespoon.
One year we had a family get together. In addition to the mashed potatoes, Gramma decided to contribute a ham. One of those cryovac packed, round boneless hams.
She forgot to take the plastic off before she cooked it.
This is the point where most of us would have tossed that ham right into the dumpster. Not my gramma. Oh hell no, that untouched ham went out to the glassed in porch - the winter fridge if you will.
Flash forward to another family dinner a week later. I walk in and spy one of my favorite things - sliced yellow peppers. Not knowing any better I shoved one in my mouth, chewed once and ran for the garbage so I could spit it out.
Turns out the only part of the pepper that wasn't slimy and rotten was the part I was holding. I quickly took my mom aside and told her the peppers weren't any good.
My mom: Your grandmother brought them. They're from last week.
Me: They're a week old and she brought them! She might have time for food poisoning, but I don't!
My mom: That's not all she brought. She brought the ham.
My mom pointed out the ham to me. The lovely green ham, that was cooked in it's plastic wrapper. The sun porch might have been cold enough - but sun is not ham's friend.
My mom: I told her it wasn't any good so then she wanted me to feed it to the dog. I told her there was no way in hell I would feed that to my dog.
Throughout dinner my Uncle kept reciting lines from Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs & Ham. Substituting Eggs & Green Ham, all while laughing so hard that I expected to see either food or snot come flying out of his nose.
My mother was not amused Sam I am.
Weekend Funnies is live. Link up your funny post from the week.
Welcome to my mother's world! I actually go to her house when I know that she and my dad are not home and throw stuff out and then tell her that I "borrowed" them ...
ReplyDeleteOnce when we were all there, my Aunts and Uncles banded together to clean out my deceased grandfather's "bar". Did you know booze can spoil? Seriously there was a bottle of Peach Brandy that had a glob in the middle. It was like she was incubating a pig fetus in there.
DeleteLOL! It's a generational thing I guess. My grandmother didn't reserve food like that though, her area of expertise was to cook a huge meal with only one or two ingredients. Depression era cooking, we used to call it.
ReplyDeleteMy Gramma just celebrated her 80th birthday, so you know she grew up poor. So poor that they lived on tomato soup at times. By the age of 18 she had to have all of her teeth pulled - a lifetime of inadequate nutrition left it's mark. To this day she will not throw food away, but all of my aunts and my uncle had regular dental care.
DeleteOMG!! That is hilarious!! I don't know if would be able to eat anything she brought over anymore. At least not until clearing it with your mom first!!
ReplyDeleteHaha
-Ellen
The standard warning for bringing anybody new to a family get together goes like this. My uncle? He's a bit of a dick at first - it gets better. Whatever you do, don't eat anything Gramma brought. Ever.
DeleteAnd, that's why we love our families! :)
DeleteMy grandmother isn't that way with food, but she is about everything else. She is one of those that will buy something she doesn't need because it is on sale and you just never know when you might need it in the future. She also gives us coupons for Christmas. Most of the time, they are expired.
ReplyDeleteI can't link up for some reason. It keeps saying I have to provide a backlink, which I have done.
Is your backlink to the post or the general URL? The link up is set to require only a link to www.myhalfassed life.com.
DeleteI used the Weekend Funnies button code.
DeleteI figured it out. The button wasn't enough. I had to include another link. It's there now.
DeleteWhich probably means my button has something wrong with it.
DeleteHaha! I thought my grandma was the only one... we turned on the oven without realizing cinnamon buns were inside still in their plastic wrapper. Did she throw them out?? Of course not! Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteIt's got to be something about grandmas. She is bad with clothes too - she used to wear a thirty year old bowling shirt of my grampa's - complete with "Bud" on the pocket.
DeleteOh heavens! LOL! I think I like your uncle's sense of humor!
ReplyDeleteMy brother coined the term "Gregisms". It works. Like the time when my brother was little and my Aunt bought him Aim toothpaste. Aim's advertising gimmick was it tasted great so kids brushed longer. My Uncle had him convinced he had to brush for 15 minutes, because he got that toothpaste. My mother was grateful my brother couldn't tell time yet.
DeleteFeeling queasy now....
ReplyDeleteWe never eat her baking either. She just doesn't get that fresh baked taste won't come out of a 10 year old cake mix.
DeleteOh that was too funny. My friend and I recently went over to her mother's house, to help clean out her cupboards and found some items of food that had been given to her by her own mother...twenty years before. :)
ReplyDeleteMy Gramma's favorite pair of shoes were old ones from her mother. They were probably about thirty years old.
DeleteEwwwww. But did your grandma eat the ham? Or the peppers?
ReplyDeleteNow that you mention it - I don't think she did. Hmm, maybe there's a plot there..
DeleteMy husband's grandmother would cook a ham and then leave it out...just sitting there for days. It would frequently be sitting in the sunlight. I feel nauseated thinking about it. UGH. --Lisa
ReplyDeleteEggs and Green Ham indeed. Blech.
DeleteOMG! THAT SOUNDS JU8ST LIKE MY GRANDMA.
ReplyDeleteSHE COOKED A PIZZA UPSIDE DOWN NOT ONCE, BUT
TWICE. AND COULD NOT FIGURE OUT WHY IT LOOKED FUNNY
Did she serve the pizza though?
DeleteThank you so much for commenting - people like you are the reason I ignore the spammers and keep my comments open for anonymous comments.
YES, GRANDMA SERVED THE UPSIDE DOWN PIZZA REMEMBER GRANDMA DOES NOT THROW OUT FOOD!
ReplyDeleteTrue - Gramma never throws out food. Even if she eats toddler sized portions herself.
Delete