The Polish Guy and I have been together for four years. We weren't together for very long before we developed a routine. Weeknights at my place, weekends at his.
Our weekends with kids coincided and his kids and my youngest took to the routine readily. With the three of them, we've got 15, 16 & 17. Summers were mostly spent at his house, because his kids would hang out there more in the summer.
It worked. Until all of a sudden it didn't. Or at least it no longer worked for him.
I still go to his house on weekends. He still calls me every night during the week. But that's all. Other than coming for dinner Christmas Eve, he has not been in my house since the kids went back to school in the fall.
I've gone through the range of emotions. Hurt and anger and a little more hurt. Lately though I've become guarded and to be honest - selfish. A healthy response to the situation? Maybe.
Does it do anything to build a warm caring relationship? Not at all.
Last week, I stopped at the corner store on my way home from work. He stopped at the same time. We exchanged pleasantries but nothing more. When I got out to my car I sat for a few minutes and wondered how we appeared to the sales clerk.
Casual acquaintances with no hint of intimacy.
And I'm left to wonder - is that what we've become?
i'm baffled. what happened here??
ReplyDeleteI'm baffled too. But then who ever actually knows the male mind.
DeleteMore careless than mean. Mean I would have walked away from months ago.
ReplyDeleteAwwww that sucks. It seems like a fizzle out. I hope you're not still going to his house on the weekends unless you're getting something really really great. I disagree with Dyanne, don't blame the faceless, stereotypical "boys", it's A person, not something endemic of a particular chromosome. Though you're smart and I'm sure you won't fall into that trap.
ReplyDeleteThis sucks. I feel for you. I believe I would be pushing for a heart to heart. It appears that there is some issue. He just hasn't manned up and addressed it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a pretty crappy thing to have happen. I agree with Brett. But I also know it's easy to fall into a routine and forget to keep shaking things up and work on keeping things fresh. Occasionally, my wife and I need to remind each other of that. But again, that comes back to Brett's suggestion.
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell happened? Do you still see him on weekends??
ReplyDeleteThat's sad, especially if there has been no explanation or discussion. There is nothing worse than not knowing where you are with someone. Take care x
ReplyDeleteThat really sucks...no explanation is the worst because you have no idea what the problem is, let alone if it's fixable and you're left hanging and wondering wtf happened
ReplyDeleteThat sucks. At the very least, he should have the decency to tell you what's what. I'm sure even if he simply said he just lost interest it would be better than just leaving you hanging like that.
ReplyDeleteThought probably won't feel not much better at first.
Flat out ask him what the hell is going on. You don't have a drastic change like this without an explanation. Especially after four years.
ReplyDeleteOh how confusing!!! You should just ask him... What's the worst that could happen? At least you'll know where you guys stand.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Valerie
I agree with many of the others, a conversation is in order. Although that's easier to say when you are on the outside looking in! I'm sorry, this kind of stuff is awful. Sometimes it's harder than a big blow up, because it's like you look up all of a sudden and wonder what happened, and when did it happen! Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteUsually I reply to all of my comments - but this time I'm just going to say thanks guys - your sympathy and advice is very kind.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain more than you know. The Manchild and I have a similar relationship. The saddest part is that we live AND have a child together. We're more like two ships passing in the night than an actual couple. Once in awhile, one of us will blow our horn to let the other know that it's there to avoid collision, but it doesn't go much farther than that.
ReplyDeleteHaving a strained relationship sucks. There are so many answers that seem like "the next logical step", but it's definitely easier said than done. All I can say is that I hope the two of you figure out which direction you're headed in soon so that you can either ride the current together, or go your separate ways.
Also: Love is dumb.