When I was in my 20's I rarely if ever drank. Let's face it - with the kids I spawned somebody had to be sober. You just never knew when you were going to have to make a run to the ER.
Then suddenly I was in my 30's and newly divorced.
At first it was great. Every other weekend the kids were their Dad's responsibility.
I'm sure it was an eye-opener for him.
It didn't take very long though and as much as I looked forward to Friday, by suppertime Saturday I was ready for them to come home.
So one weekend my baby brother took pity on me and took me out drinking. Both of us single - he admired the waitress with the cool glasses. For me the pickings were pretty slim and let's face it I wouldn't have the first clue of how to hook up in a bar with someone.
Towards the end of the evening, I was already well on my way to drunk and baby brother tells me to suck it back because it's time to go.
Never ever under any circumstances do that. You now have a time delayed, fall on your ass drunk sitting in your stomach. Just waiting to disperse to your brain when you least expect it.
He dropped me off at home and I proceeded to fuck around on the computer. Imagine - in those days I was still trying to figure out what everyone else saw in parking your ass in front of a computer. I was on there just long enough for the time delayed drunk to hit my brain.
Then I decided it was time to take a shower and get ready for bed.
I can't take my socks off standing up while sober - so why would I try to do it while drunk standing in front of the tub?
That's right - I fell into the tub. Only not all the way in. Just kind of bare ass perched on the cold porcelain side while the back of my arm handily caught the spout on the way down. Two points of contact - keeping me elevated from the bottom of the tub.
Well fuck. What the hell do you do then? I couldn't get up, partly because I was drunk. Going down to the bottom of the tub was kind of hard too - because I was drunk.
Eventually I managed to slither my way down to the bottom of the icy cold tub so I could crawl out. The bruise on the back of my arm from the faucet hung around for a couple of months.
Some things are just meant to be experienced in your 20's. Falling down drunk would be one of them. Let's face it, the younger you are the less likely you are to break something.
Got a funny post from the week? Weekend funnies #3 is live until midnight Sunday.
You know, I'm not even sure it's it's physically possible for me to get as drunk now as I used to in my twenties. I'm pretty sure my body would say "Hell, no, this is NOT happening" and have me throwing up before I got anywhere near there.
ReplyDeleteI just never did it when I was in my 20's. I'm sure recovery would be a lot faster though.
DeleteOn Friday's I always tell my younger people - if this old lady can show up to work on Saturday on time with a hangover you can do it too. Their attendance is improving. ;-)
OUCH!
ReplyDeleteFalling down drunk is never a good place to visit. Especially if it lands you halfway in the tub with bruises that don't want to go away.
I have just barely entered my thirties, and can no longer drink like I used to. I've also figured out that I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT, under ANY circumstances, drink tequila or Fireball anymore. It hurts too much the next day... (and sometimes the day after that too!)
There are a couple of people that make me very "thirsty" when we go out. I try not to hang out with them too often though. Again with the hurting.
I've made it to my 40's and only had tequila once. It was memorable - in a hazy sort of way.
DeleteOh I remember those days and I don't miss them - much. Now I'm content with a glass or six of wine. Somehow getting drunk via a wine glass rather than a beer bottle appears to be much more socially acceptable now - at my age. :) Great post and yep. I've had that bruise and felt that cold porcelain. :)
ReplyDeleteIt was a painful lesson. I always sit down to take my socks off now. ;-)
DeleteI have a couple of friends I can't hang out with very often anymore because the injuries and the crippling hangovers are just not worth it. Also, trying to explain to your co-workers the roadrash on your face from falling face first into gravel because you were too drunk figure out how to open the gate so climbing over it seemed like a good idea, is kinda embarrassing
ReplyDeleteThere are so many things that seem like great idea under the influence - and really they are just so very bad.
DeleteOuchie mama! Most of my falling down drunk stories are from my 20s - I don't think I ever got that badly bruised. These days, I'm only guilty of the occasional wine-buzz tweet!
ReplyDeleteI'm guilty of a few drunk tweets myself.
DeleteI've never fallen down drunk, but I did insist on laying on the ground to pass out. Turns out I laid in a puddle. I've also passed out on my bathroom floor, a mere 2 feet away from the littler box. Always keep it classy!
ReplyDeleteI think it's the mortification factor that usually keeps us in check when we get older.
DeleteI've never been a huge drinker. But, the night of my husband's 10th High School reunion I got drunk enough to know what it's like to hug the toilet all night. Why people do that weekend after weekend is beyond me. that was close to 17 years ago and to this day it was enough to keep me from getting that drunk again. I don't know what is so fun about drinking so much you wish you'd die.
ReplyDeletePraying at the porcelain throne is never fun. It's bad enough when it's because you're sick. Self inflicted is terrible.
DeleteYou are SO RIGHT! Some things are just better left for the young. I was just telling Ashley this morning that it's a shame I didn't realize how great I had it when my body was actually young and rebounded quickly from things. Now its old and it...doesn't. I didn't appreciate it enough while I had it!!--Lisa
ReplyDelete