fR3jclIIszb96iOdpqMK80eDe-U My Half Assed Life: This Battle Scarred Floor

Monday, March 11, 2013

This Battle Scarred Floor

Never trust your children when they're getting along. If two siblings are not fighting they are plotting a takedown of the mommy.

Mine got along once. Then I walked into my kitchen and discovered that they had been using a butter knife to pry up my kitchen floor tiles.

It was one of those peel & stick floors, only the sticky part was kind of patchy so a handful of tiles came completely off. Another handful of tiles had all four corners lifted and broken off.

While the sticky wasn’t sticky enough to foil those little prying fingers and a couple of my butter knives, it was sticky enough to pull your socks off if you walked across the bare patches. We needed to do something and because we were young and always broke, new peel & stick tiles it was.

It was a Friday, so once the kids were fed and sort of settled for the night the ex's drinking buddies arrived and we started trying to peel up the rest of the tiles.

Apparently the kids managed to find the only tiles that weren't firmly stuck.

So there we are trying to scrape off the glued down floor tiles with a putty knife. We managed to scrape off a few in pieces before the guys were ready for a beer break. While we were sitting there yakking, the cats started investigating the floor. We spent some time watching them try to cross the death trap of sticky. One cat made it across fine every time because she ran.

The other cat would stop after each paw was lifted and try to shake the sticky off with that look of total disgust only a cat can wear. While he was looking after one paw the other 3 paws had enough time to really stick to the floor. As the sober one of the bunch, I was still tired enough to find this hysterical. Every so often one of us would gently toss the cat into the middle of the floor just to watch him try to shake and wash the sticky off his paw, only to put it down and start all over again with the next paw.

Finally somebody came up with the idea to warm the tiles with a hairdryer as we scraped. By that time the guys had made a little too much progress into the beer, but with the hairdryer I was making some real progress on the floor. Eventually the buddies left, the ex went to bed, and after a couple more hours I had the floor scraped off.

The new tiles were stuck down the next day. Those tiles are still there. Fifteen years later if you're looking for them, you can see the battle-scars. If I'm looking for them I can see the memories of silly fun we used to have. I like that I can see those memories now, even if they carry a few battle-scars of their own.

I'm linking up with Yeah Write for a very special celebration. This week Yeah Write is hosting their 100th challenge. This month Yeah Write turns two. If you've got a post that fits the spirit of the Yeah Write community in 500 words or less come check us out.


45 comments:

  1. Two non-fighting siblings definitely mean trouble. Love that you can relive the memories of that time in your life when you look at your floor. :)

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    1. I'm enjoying being able to go back to some of those old memories without the bad ones shadowing them out.

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  2. How funny! Your poor cat though. The hair dryer was a brilliant idea!

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    1. At one point I even tried the butter knife thinking maybe the kids were on to something there. No such luck. The hair dryer was the way to go.

      The cat that kept pausing to clean his paws lived to be 20. I had him from kitten, so it was a sad day when I had to say goodbye.

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  3. Bahahaha! Every time my child is completely quiet in another room, I am momentarily thrilled and scared at the same time. :)

    Remind me when it's time to vote on Yeah Write, and good luck!

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    1. Every time she's quiet - peek around the corner. Trust me on this.

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  4. I loved the line "that look of total disgust only a cat can wear." That's brilliant!

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    1. They wear it so well though. Watch a cat watching a dog drink some time. It's hilarious.

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  5. I am learning quickly that silence is never "golden". It is usually messy and expensive. :) This is brilliance!

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    1. When kids are involved silence is definitely not your friend.

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  6. I love the last line. To be able to appreciate the good times among some of the bad.

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    1. It took a long time, but I'm finally able to look back and see some of the silly fun times we had. We were both so young it's no wonder it didn't work, but that doesn't mean it was all bad.

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    1. Always trouble. Or at least worthy of investigation.

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  8. I used to gently toss the kitteh onto the tile floors after I mopped to see if they were dry yet....

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    1. Your comment reminded me of one time when my cousin was over. There we are with two just walking toddlers and a freshly mopped floor. We're both going to hell because it was hysterical watching those poor babies try to maneuver that slippery floor. We did rescue them and move them to the carpeted living room though.

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  9. My younger sister & I fought all the time. Still do, actually. When we were kids, the only time we didn't fight was long enough for me to cook up some crazy scheme & for her to get in trouble for implementing said scheme.

    Ahhh... Good times.

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    1. This just reminds me of the oldest convincing the youngest to eat sand. And markers. And hang onto his hand while he grabbed the electric horse fence...

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  10. I love that there's a funny story behind your kitchen floor. I guess that's what makes moving so hard.

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    1. I've been in this house since my first was born - almost 22 years ago.

      I once cried because a piece of drywall with height marks was plastered over. It was from the summer the oldest grew 2 inches in 2 months.

      As much as I long for the day where I can move into a real house (with closets, a garage, a basement and for the love of god - a second bathroom) this house holds a lot of memories.

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  11. haha!! oh man, that cats with the floor stuck to their paws. so funny. and yeah, never ever trust the quiet.

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  12. I love the story behind your floor! Too funny.
    And oh yeah, as the parent of 3 sons I can say that quiet children TERRIFY me!

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    1. Two who normally argue getting along does not bode well. Usually it means the oldest has instigated some sort of chicanery.

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  13. I spend a LOT of time in people's homes with their toddlers, and it always occurs to the parent and I at the same time that suddenly it's quiet. I think we get the same panicked look on our faces and jump up to see what is going on. It's never, ever good. I love that you have fond memories of that floor, because as I was reading I was thinking those two children of yours would have been in SO MUCH TROUBLE!

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    1. I am sure they were in SO MUCH TROUBLE at the time, but I can't even remember that part. No matter how hard I think about it all I can remember of the event is what I've written here.

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  14. Hilarious and touching all at the same time. Picturing the shenanigans with the cats was fabulous.

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  15. Peel and stick flooring drives me insane for just the reason you said, it works when you don't want it to and doesn't when you need it to! But I've never had a memory attached to my floor like you did. I wonder how your kids would describe what they did to the floor!

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    1. Here's how I would imagine my kids remembering this.

      #1: Hey #2, remember that time you wrecked mom's kitchen floor.

      #2: That wasn't me - it was you.

      #1: No it wasn't. You're the one who peeled up the floor with a butter knife.

      #2: No it wasn't. That was your idea. You just made me join in so I would get in trouble too.

      And on and on it would go....

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  16. The image of the cats walking across the floor brought a smile to my face!

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    1. There was enough beer and fatigue involved that at least one of us (okay, it was me) was in danger of wetting their pants.

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  17. Hahahahaha! Have you ever put scotch tape on a cat's paws?? Hilarious!

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    1. I haven't done that one (okay - I have, but completely different circumstances involving bathing a cat without getting ripped to shreds) but I have stuck a curl of masking tape on their forehead just to watch them try to back away from it.

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  18. You are a true Do It Yourselfer Get It Done woman! I bow to you. Go, you! Not fun at the time, I'm sure, but so funny picturing your kids on the floor with a butter knife plying up the floor tiles. Kinda makes you wish they'd have played video games, right?

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    1. Every kid or most of em, will do something. My somethine was just always in spades.

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  19. Of course I read this on the night after my almost two-year-old twins squirted an entire bottle of craft paint onto their feet and the carpet...

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    1. Carpet is such a pain. To live with and to get rid of.

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  20. I love the great memory with the really obnoxious one--this made me groan from the perspective of one who has torn up wallpaper bit by bit. Ugh! Love the cats--and totally can imagine that scene with the drinking and sticky cat feet. Enjoyed this!

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    1. We were pretty damn young by today's standards - I was younger than the oldest is now. So we were pretty good at getting silly at times.

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  21. Vanessa, I loved this post. Between the mischevious kids, the cat getting stuck (btw, I'm with cynk, "that look of total disgust only a cat can wear." = brilliant), and the DIY plan improvised with the hair dryer makes for a perfect story.

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  22. Boy, are you right about quiet siblings. Always a sign of impending doom.

    I loved this story and the fact that you are able to sort out the good memories from the bad.

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    1. There are some pretty rotten memories back there, but there are some pretty great ones too.

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  23. It seems like things always seem better as we look back. And the strangest things can evoke the memories. I wish we hadn't moved around, it would be nice to be able to look around and have those memories from years ago.

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    1. I bet you've still got plenty of memories from years ago, a certain smell or a picture.

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