How about a few 11 year old girls all PMSing - how was that?
That's how I felt today at work. Only I don't work with 11 year old girls. I work with adult women - some of whom may or may not have been PMSing. I know I was.
Either way, they were squabbling like 11 year old's with PMS. This one said that, that one said this. This one is talking about my personal business. Then the new one gets in on it because she doesn't realize that by next week they'll all be best friends again. See? It's exactly like 11 year old girls isn't it?
There should be rules handed out with every single Employee Manual. Rules for women to just get the fuck along at work.
Rule 1
If you're looking for a promotion - earn it. No fair running around in short skirts with your crotch hanging out. If all of your ahem ego stroking is working out for you, don't brag about it. Nobody is impressed and we really all just want to throat punch ya. Right after we kick you in the vagina you keep showing off.
Rule 2
If you don't want people at work discussing your personal business then keep your personal business at home. It's a pretty simple rule, and guess what? It works.
Except if you're banging the boss. Then all bets are off.
Rule 3
Work girlfriends are rarely your real girlfriends. They're just people you spend a lot of time with and if you're lucky you get along. Don't tell work girlfriends your secrets. See rule 2.
If you're banging the boss - see rule 1.
Rule 4
If you happen to be PMSing, just take a fucking Midol already. Please for the love of God, just take the damn Midol.
Except if you're banging the boss. Then you should just suffer.
Today I learned supervising women is fucking exhausting and that I'm still bothered by crap that went on at my former job.
Rule #5. Avoid banging the boss. Unless absolutely necessary.
ReplyDeleteHa!
Shit, I never even though of that one.
ReplyDeleteThis is a seriously awesome spot on post.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteIt's really not fair if one person is banging the boss. Everyone should bang the boss, just to be on equal footing
ReplyDeleteSometimes men become amazingly repulsive just by who they are banging. I'm feeling vomity now.
DeleteAnd this is why I spent the majority of my adult life working in commercial construction with men. :) And the fun part? I was the on site proj. coordinator so I got to supervise ALL of them and there were A LOT of them.. ;)
ReplyDeleteYesterday was just one of those - Whoa! Are you serious? - days. Being at 30% production right now doesn't help either because there's just fewer options for splitting people up.
DeleteNormally we are on the lookout for trouble brewing and we move people around before it gets to that point.
I'm thinking there's a back story here - I'll be looking for it on your blog.
ReplyDeleteUgh, these women sound like... a lot to handle. I LOVE #2. Nobody whines louder that they hate drama/hate people talking about their business, than those who court drama and blab every detail of their personal lives on a daily basis. Blech.
ReplyDeleteMy sentiments exactly.
DeleteWhat if I am the boss? Does masterbation count for anything? Can I say "masterbation" on your sight? Yikes, I hope so because I just said "maturbation" again.
ReplyDeleteI say if you're the boss you can masturbate if you want. Or wait - does that only work if you're the owner?
DeleteHi! This is my first time visiting your site. Your post had me laughing hysterically! I'm so glad I do not work in an office setting anymore. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI don't either anymore. I couldn't take it. Days like today though remind me that there were fewer personalities to contend with there.
DeleteI learned all these rules at a very young age. I know I am a man, but most of them apply to us as well. Today, I get a great kick out of sitting quietly in the corner and taking notes.
ReplyDeleteThey're easy rules right? But yet there's still always someone completely shocked when their personal life becomes today's gossip and nobody would know a damn thing about it if they had just kept it home.
Delete