There's also that they really aren't kids. I mean one is 21 and the other 17. I wouldn't want someone to happen along to my blog, read about some of my "kid's" asshattery and wonder how the fuck I could be so negligent because they are picturing them as grade schoolers.
I've seen other bloggers refer to their offspring in some really cool ways. Like Minions, Thing 1 & Thing 2. Those ones are so damn cool I really wish I had thought of them first.
Tonight I thought up the perfect names for them. It came to me in a blinding flash of
The first time was from dragging the tree out to the deck. The sweeping occurred a while after the dragging. As I was sweeping I was wondering how the fuck did tree needles make it all the way over here? I wasn't over here with the stupid thing.
Then I noticed that the tree was no longer on the deck. And I realized how needles made it all the way to the other end of the house. The end right in front of the youngest's bedroom door. The kid who wasn't currently at home.
That's right. The oldest as a prank drug the tree - still in it's stand - into his younger brother's bedroom. There it was standing in the middle of the bedroom. Because the younger one keeps his room immaculate. And the older one knew it would earn him maximum irritation. And he lives for that shit.
Henceforth, I will be referring to my spawn as the Asshats. Because I think Spawn was taken too.
My husband took the tree to the curb last night, and then sat down in his recliner, watching football and playing on his new iPad. The entire living room floor was covered in needles, with a path of needles to the door and down the steps. Asshat would have been a much kinder version of what I was calling him in my head. :)
ReplyDeleteI also struggle with what to call my kids in my blog. For now, I use their first initial, but I'm not loving that solution.
-Amy
I am in no position to judge your husband - mine is still on the deck in it's stand AND I spent at least two hours on the computer before sweeping up the needles.
DeleteIt really is tough to decide what to call your kids on the internet, and still keep the flow of a post going.
AWESOME prank!!!! Smart asshat I must say. Hey, how can I be a follower of your amazing blog? For some reason the followers gadget is empty and doesn't allow me to click on it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why the followers gadget wasn't working but it should be? And thank you for the lovely compliment!
DeleteOkay, I see what you mean. I'm not sure what the issue is but you can add me in your blogger dashboard as well, if that helps.
DeleteOk, this sounds exactly like something my brother and I would have done to each other 25 years ago. :P
ReplyDeleteI like "minions" and "spawn" has promise, but "asshats" is PERFECT.
If you knew my guys you would know just exactly how perfect Asshats is.
DeleteThankfully I grew up next door to three brothers - it was at least a little bit of preparation.
Ha! That's awesome. Not awesome for you... but an awesome sibling prank. They seem like totally rad asshats.
ReplyDeleteCompletely rad - unless of course I'm in the midst of wrangling asshats. Their asshattery is so much funnier in retrospect than it is as it's unfolding.
DeleteI would like to subscribe to your site via email. Is that possible ? Thanks
ReplyDeleteI've added the gadget - subscribe away!
DeleteNiice. I love it! Your asshats rock! :D
ReplyDeleteThe do bring some humor to my life. Aggravation too.
DeleteThis made me happy. It gives me so much to look forward to. (That was sarcasm, in case you missed it.)
ReplyDeleteI would have really worried if you meant that!
DeleteLove your site! I think all of us Blogger Moms struggle with the same thing. I made mine simple (and I'm sure they're already being used somewhere out there) The Kid (the oldest), The Baby, The Hubs, and I'm X-Mom. I only annihilate when necessary. Or on Wednesdays.
ReplyDeletewww.crystal-blake.blogspot.com
My kids, excuse me, young adults provide me with most of my "oh my God that's so horrible it's hilarious". Them not exactly being kids is what creates the dilemma of how to refer to them.
DeleteIt would have been easier when they were younger. And I would have persuaded a lot of people to rethink having children.