***Disclaimer***
This post isn't really about Sunday morning nookie, it's about what I had to do instead of Sunday morning nookie. Even though anybody in their right mind knows Sunday morning nookie is the best way to start a Sunday.
We had an early night last night. First time in forever I've been to bed before the witching hour. So of course I was bright eyed and bushy tailed at 7 am. WTF? Sunday is my only day to sleep in and I'm wide awake at 7.
So we drank some coffee. I checked in on Facebook and Twitter because who knows what happened while I was sleeping. The world could have imploded and how would I know if I didn't check my Twitter feed?
Then we decided that it was time to bleed the brakes.
I've got a great idea of how I want to spend my Sunday! Let's bleed the brakes! Said No Woman Ever.
Out to the garage and I climb into the car. Which is sitting on jack stands. Where I discover I am no more comfortable with my dog wandering around a car on jack stands than I would have been with one of my children wandering around a car on jack stands. Way back when they were little. So I chased the dog out of the garage and got back in.
And I start pumping the mother effing brake pedal. Immediately my achilles tendon let's me know this is going to suck. The conversation goes something like this.
Boyfriend: Pump.
Boyfriend: Again.
Boyfriend: Now hold it.
Me: Groan.
It was like some weird Sunday morning nookie episode, only none of the fun.
Boyfriend: Pump.
Boyfriend: Again.
Boyfriend: Now hold it.
Now the calf muscles start in, letting me know they are seriously not down with this shit.
Boyfriend: Pump.
Boyfriend: Again.
Boyfriend: Now hold it.
Me: Groan
The quadriceps are now adding their two cents. And we repeat a gazillion times.
Boyfriend: Pump.
Boyfriend: Again.
Boyfriend: Now hold it.
Me: Groan
Boyfriend: You can use the other leg you know.
Hours later (ten minutes - max, but it felt like hours) the boyfriend tells me we have to do the front now.
Once that was done I decided I may as well clean out my car since it was in a nice toasty garage and it looked like homeless people had taken up residence.
This is the before picture
Did I mention I take break in my car and have a Diet Pepsi addiction? That's not a take out container either. It was cupcakes made by my gramma from a 50 year old cake mix. You can't hurt that shit and I sure as fuck wasn't planning on eating them.
Between my car and the whole peeing on the Boyfriends foot, I don't know how some man hasn't snapped me up already.
You are hilarious. You had me going for a while, thinking something was going to go down in the car! And the peeing on the foot story was fabulous! I once did something like that but played it off as things getting super intense ;-)
ReplyDeleteI can only wish something had gone down in the car. There is no car related thing I hate more than pumping that brake pedal. Hilarious is what I'm aiming for - life is too short to not laugh about it!
DeleteLmao!! I kept waiting for it to turn to sex, too!! And omg, you have a Grandma that gives you old shit to eat? Mine does ALL THE TIME. She lives right down the road from us, and she'll come by with random food from her house and I swear, 99.9% of the time it's expired. I'm like, "No, Grandma, I really don't want sliced peaches that you've had in the back of your pantry that expired when I was a toddler."
ReplyDeleteP.S. I was nominated for the Liebster Award & picked your blog along with 10 others to participate!
You can read about it here: http://confessionsofafailingdomesticgoddess.blogspot.com/2013/01/liebster-award-oh-my-gosh-i-didnt.html
You don't HAVE to participate, but let me know if you do!!
My gramma serves old food - ALL THE TIME. She's managed to fool me a couple of times but I've gotten smarter with age. I eat nothing she makes. Not even to be polite.
DeleteThat is too funny!!! But, usually isn't HE the ones that groans when you tell him to Pump. Again. and Hold It??? HA!
ReplyDeleteNow there's something I did not thing about. I'll have to test that theory!
DeleteI am liking the Windex Multi-Surface among the Pepsi bottles. I think it adds a special something to the collection
ReplyDeleteIt does doesn't it? It screams I am to much of a slob to find a garbage can but I WILL have clean windows!
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