Optiflow My Ass

In the interests of saving water and money, I've added "reduced flow" faucets to my home.

Two words - They Suck!

Starting at the kitchen sink - why did I think this was a good idea? Most of the water consumption at the kitchen sink is in fact to actually fill something.

With reduced water flow I can now pee and brush my teeth while the coffee pot is filling. I can fold a load of laundry while filling a soup pot with water. I could probably write an entire blog post and a few tweets waiting for the sink to fill.

Same amount of water but it takes longer to get there. Are we efficient yet?

Moving on to the shower it`s kind of nice to save a bit of money with two boys showering. Right? Wrong because Waterpik - you suck worst of all.

You promised "Optiflow Technology" on your packaging. Yet I don't feel optimized at all.

Thanks to your reduced water flow, I turn the shower on and brush my teeth before the hot water makes it to the shower.

I get in the shower, it's too cold. I twitch the faucet handle and huddle at the back of the tub until it warms up. OH MY GOD IT'S TOO HOT! I reach through the scalding spray to twitch it again. Five minutes later I'm scalded, yet freezing my ass of because once again it's too cold.

It takes forever to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. The conditioner? Well I never can get that shit all our of my hair. No worries though, I'm really rockin' the greasy look.

Now I'm running my shower twice as long to reduce my water flow 28%. Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

I'm using MORE water.

So Waterpik - how about next time you offer me Orgasmiflow Technology, because yes Waterpik that is why women buy handheld massaging showers. While you`re at it throw in a money-back satisfaction guarantee please. I'll gladly pay for that.

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