Snovels, Cocktail Tomatoes and Assless Chaps

Last night I typed show snovelling and then spent at least two minutes trying to figure out if snovelling had one "L" or 2. This left me a little worried that I may be losing my mental faculties.

But today was a new day and I'm somewhat rested so things are back to normal.

I saw the perfect ass - on a tomato. 

This one had something even more special though.

We aren't allowed to pack these ones. I don't know why. I would pay extra to get a cocktail tomato that looked like this. It would make your veggie tray. Just think of how many conversations that cocktail tomato could start.

Then I started thinking. Any ass that great deserves some legs and assless chaps am I right? So I brought the tomato home. Sometime between now and Sunday dinner I'm going to build that tomato some legs out of carrots or maybe pickles. Then I'll use some baby romaine leaves to make it the assless chaps it deserves. My mother will be so pleased that I've finally made a contribution to a big family meal.

I've got to hide it until then though. If Numero Uno Asshat finds it first he'll graffiti pubic hair on what is clearly an ass - not balls.

Ethel, I told you to quit fertilizing the tomatoes with my Viagra!