At least nobody's been shot in the eye with a BB Gun.
Up until I was four, we lived next door to a large family. All of them thought I was adorable and treated me like a favorite toy or something equally special. Then we moved.
Somebody, call it fate, call it God, whatever your personal persuasion, knew long ago that I was going to wind up raising 2 Asshats mostly on my own. In their infinite wisdom they had a family with three boys move in to the house next door right before our arrival.
I was no longer the favored one. I was the substitute crash test dummy. The one they picked on instead of their baby sister, although I'm sure they picked on her too.
Growing up next door to three farm boys is - interesting. You learn fast that you had better not be afraid of snakes.
Summers we all ran around the farm, barefoot usually. I used to catch shit often if the Mulberries were in season. It wasn't like you could lie and say you weren't running around barefoot under the mulberry tree because the black feet kind of gave it away. You can't scrub that shit off by the way.
They boys did stuff like hunting crayfish in the ditch. Nobody ever worried about the five households with their septic tanks running right into the ditch. There they all were, barefoot in shit water hunting stuff that looked like bugs. Of course the shit water is probably why the Asparagus we all ate in the spring grew so well on the ditch bank.
When the smelt were running, they would always bring home pails of them. So much that my mom got half. It's been over 30 years but I bet I still know how to gut a smelt.
Across the road from our houses were acres of bush. The three boys had a permanent year round campsite set up out there. Apparently at least one of them had a BB Gun as well.
The story they told all the parents was someone let go of a branch and it flung back and hit the youngest boy in the eye. He spent a week in the hospital with the doctors trying to save his eye. They saved the eye but he's blind in it.
That's right, one of his brother's shot him in the eye with a BB gun.
Please vote for me at Circle of Mom's Top 25 Funny Mom's contest, even though I'm still pending approval and petrified they'll have a bouncer come and toss me out on my ear. You can vote every day for the next 14 days.
You actually knew the person who DID get his eye shot out (sort of) by a BB GUN!! The kid we were all warned about actually exists!! Who knew!
ReplyDelete(Thank goodness for neighbor farm boys who got you prepared for motherhood! Now you know all the tricks!)
If it weren't for them toughening me up, I would have been found rocking in a corner years ago.
DeleteI was still cringing over the asparagus, but pleased to hear all your Asshats still have all their eyes. Phew! I consider that successful parenting right there!
ReplyDeleteThe asparagus didn't grow right in the shit water, just along the banks. And we always washed all the road dust off before we ate it.
DeleteWe kinda shortened the saying to; "it's all fun & games until someone gets hurt." And to this day, everytime the family's all together & we start goofing off, someone DOES get hurt. Unfortunately, a few Christmases ago, my uncle ended up hurting his bad knee even worse & eventually had to have surgery. Goofing off when you get older has its consequences...LOL!
ReplyDeleteYes, yes horseplay does have it's consequences.
DeleteHa! Just like the movie! Brings home mom's "watch the eyes" warnings to heart...
ReplyDeleteglad I found your blog :)
and I'll totally vote for you every day if you do the same for me...
but really, I think the big dudes are going to rule the shit.
Of course the big ones are going to, but we still get out there right? And to be fair, usually the big guns have been at it longer.
DeleteOnly half blinded. At least he still has his eye - he could have wound up wearing a patch like a pirate.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in the country and have been shot with BB guns dozens of times. I took it in the face a few times, but never in the eye.
ReplyDeleteI have also shot many people with BB's, however, I remember always being careful not to shoot anywhere near the head. The last thing I wanted to do was hit someone in the eye. Even as a child I knew that.
Hitting someone in the nuts was a different matter entirely.
So your mother used to say - It's all fun and games until someone loses a nut?
DeleteWe did our best to keep my mother in the dark about anything that happened outside the house. She was happy to maintain a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy.
DeleteExcept during trips to the ER. Then she would get really nosy.
Usually knowing what actually happened helps to deter the ER staff from calling CPS.
DeleteUp until recently, I think I knew all of the ER nurses by sight. Yes, we spent that much time there and it was never for anything mundane like an ear infection.
"The Christmas Story" is flashing through my head right now...and Ralphie's mom is sitting somewhere rolling her eyes and saying "I told you so"
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure if their mother ever did find out what happened she rolled her eyes too!
DeleteMy Asshat got shot with a high velocity BB gun (who knew there was one!?) right in the ASS! yep the BUM! Took him to doc and it was so deep that he sent us to a surgeon....Dr. Mooney!!! True story!
ReplyDeleteHe said it would do more damage taking it out so left it there. I can now freely use the term "lead ass"